This is a new blog for me!! This blog is different from the others because I am sick of "recovery!" They tell this is possible but I hate the idea of recovery and how my weight has changed in the last 4-5 months. They are all wanting me to gain and keep gaining. I am have gained to much and I hate eating ALL the time!! This weekend I move to a house. I am looking at like a chance to change!! A time to get back in control of my life and not let the doctors control me.
In the last couple months I have gained over 25lbs between Inpatient and outpatient. But now I just see my treatment team once a week. This will give me a chance to control what I eat and how I want to eat!! My mind is always wondering if I can get back to where I was and wanted to be!! Well I am going to stop wondering and do something about it. The new place has a 2 mile bike trail right next to my house. A great place to run and walk everyday. I am going ot change my "meal plan" to something that I do not feel guilty eating. My team wants me to eat 6 times a day and I hate it so I am going be cutting that down. I am doing some pro-ana research over the next couple days and going to start logging things like I used to!!
CHANGE MUST HAPPEN NOW!! I feel that if I get this started and in place before classes start I will do very well in school!! I do not want to gain any more nor do I want to stay the same weight and if I feel happy with the food I eat and weight I am at classes will go great!!
I do not want to be FAT!! They (the dr's) will not get me any more FAT than they have already made me!!! That is why it is time for this all to change!
